Last week Kathy Keller, wife of Tim Keller, wrote an article for Christianity Today about raising kids in New York City. As I read I found myself nodding along. Her arguments for moving to the city are persuasive, and I wholeheartedly agree with almost everything she said.
But in two weeks the family and I are moving back the 'burbs. And I couldn't be happier. Not that I think it will be perfect. (Dear Jesus, have I kicked that habit yet?) I anticipate some distinct disadvantages to living in the suburbs.
Cons to Living in the Suburbs:
- The temptation to turn away from human depravity is great. In the 'burbs everyone has their own car, their own yard, their own house. They can go to their private property, shut the door, and pretend nothing bad happens. It's possible to go from air conditioned home to air conditioned car to air conditioned office without once coming face to face with suffering, either your own or someone else's. I do not want my children forever sheltered from the sufferings of their fellow men.
- A city is vibrant, full of the human work of culture-making. Any interest can be fed in a city, from art to music to literature to graphic design to architecture...I could go on. In a suburb it can be harder to find good examples of culture to enjoy as a family.
And, well, that's kind of it. I've thought about these things as we've started saying good bye to the many things we like about our urban home. I'm praying for creative ways to overcome these obstacles. But I can't deny the benefits that make us look forward to a suburb again.
Why I Like the 'Burbs
Why I Like the 'Burbs
- Space. Space. Space. There's just more space out of the city. I don't mean bigger houses, though you can often get more house for your money. I mean open outdoor space. Trees. Green. Undeveloped grazing lands. Memphis is full of trees, of course, but there's a different flavor to the space when it's not interrupted by constant traffic. Which leads me to...
- Quiet. Oh, the soothing sounds of peace as I look out on wide open spaces. It feeds my soul.
- Relative safety. I hesitate to put that here because I try to not make decisions based on personal safety. But, one of the reasons Kathy Keller cited for living in the city is that it forces you to do things with your children rather than sending them into the yard to play. Well, actually, I highly value the ability to send my boys into the yard without me. I'm a homeschooling mom. All I DO is things with my children. And I often worry that, without school, they do not have enough opportunities to do things without me, to build the confidence that comes from self-reliance.
- Potential. The danger of turning a blind eye to human suffering is very, very real, and many residents of suburbs do just that. However, with our time in a urban area, Hubby and I have learned so many things we can never unlearn. We won't soon forget some of the lessons we've learned on poverty and justice. We will never be able to ignore human trafficking again, and as we form relationships in our new home, there is so much untapped potential. We aren't the only ones passionate about justice, but we will be among the few. And new voices talking about their passions? Well, God can do so much with willing hearts.
- Slower pace. This is important to me. Mrs. Keller talks about her sons loving the bustle and noise of the city. Frankly, that very thing oppresses me, and I think it would our oldest son, too. I want the boys to learn to handle silence and stillness before they are thrown into the hustle and bustle of the world at large.
And I think that's really the crux of it, knowing your own family. More Christians should be willing to move into the cities and be lights where there is so little. If given the opportunity to move back to an urban area, we would certainly consider it based on who we are as a family at that time. (I think Hubby will forever be drawn to New York and London.)
However, I wish more of the influencers would acknowledge that city life isn't for everyone. There are plenty of benefits to raising kids outside the city, which is why so many people do. There are unique challenges, of course, but there's also plenty of opportunity for living missionally outside a large urban area.
And there's more space.
4 comments:
Monica,
I am disappointed you are leaving before we have a chance to sit and hash out so many things. Thank you for this post.
I wrote a couple of weeks ago about living in the burbs and how easily needs are hidden here. As Christians, we have to work hard to find them.
We love the city, too, and there is such a tug between the two for us. There is beauty in both, and we have to be intentional wherever we are.
Seriously, the more I read from you, the bitter I'm growing that you're leaving. :)
Yes, yes, yes! I'm so glad you responded to Kathy Keller's post.
I've lived in all kinds of places (too many different places!) and I am just not convinced that raising kids in cities will necessarily do for them all that she promises.
My husband and his siblings were raised in rural places and they are confident, compassionate, engaged, thoughtful Christians. My brother in law owns a factory in one of Philadelphia's most crime ridden neighborhoods, in fact, and he employs plenty of ex-cons, ex-addicts, etc. Being raised a resourceful country boy equipped him in unique ways for the work he does now.
Cities do need renewal, but living in them is NOT for everyone, Christian or not.
Thanks for this post!
My husband was offered a job in Manhattan and a job in Memphis last summer. I am a city person, so I would have jumped on the chance to move to NYC if the offer had been a little more. But it wasn't. Midtown Memphis feels REALLY suburban in comparison to Manhattan (or even near-side Queens and Brooklyn.) I think a lot of Kathy Keller's points are much less applicable in smaller / Southern cities.
I think the most important thing is to love your neighbors where you are. It's pointless to live in the city and not love the people around you. It's far better to live in the 'burbs and be a good neighbor.
I happen to like cities and general activity. I love that I can hear my neighbor play piano while I read in my living room, and traffic and planes and trains and never feel isolated. We're lucky to live on a block where the kids can play outside without me. I like being close to culture and good restaurants and public spaces that are diverse and interesting. We were able to get to know a lot of people very different from us in Birmingham and engage with them. It's amazing to have a conversation with a 5yo about why Mr. Tommy, who we chat with all the time and always compliments her accessories, doesn't have a home.
But it can also be easy to never engage with people unlike you, depending on where you live in the city. I know someone who after living next door to a small apartment building for several years, lamented that he didn't have any neighbors. (Because low income immigrants and black people aren't neighbors?) Living in the city isn't magic.
Because there are more healthy churches in the suburbs, I would probably tell someone if they have no preference, it would be missional to live in the city. But I think it is easy to believe in the suburbs that everything is happy and easy-breezy and to embrace a culture christianity so there needs to be vulnerable, honest people on mission there, too.
I was transferred this school year from an inner-city school to a suburban school. Turns out (even though I cried wailed and gnashed my teeth insisting to God that those students didn't need me)that my new students need Jesus too.
There are pro's and con's to anywhere you raise your kids. God has called my family to the city, and your family to the burbs. In the obvious ways my inner city classroom was set in a very dark place, but in the suburbs the darkness hides itself better. People don't want to believe it but it is just as dark some days. The hands and feet of Jesus are needed everywhere.
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