I. WANT. MY. MOMMYYYYYY!!!!!!!!I curl up into a tight ball squeezing my eyes shut, hoping that will drown out the screaming. I feel Hubby's broken arm itching toward me, offering comfort.
It took a month for Big Boy to show signs of post-traumatic stress disorder. Around mid-January, he began waking in the middle of the night. Alone, that wasn't unusual; he's never been the best sleeper. But we tried everything: firmly returning him to bed, praying with him, threatening, spanking, capitulating. As the nights wore on, the days got harder. With little sleep, none of us could function or begin to heal from the trauma.
As we reached the 2 1/2 month mark, I became desperate. I know I looked tired because everyone I saw asked how I was, with extreme sympathy in their eyes. Finally, one night, talking it over with a friend, it hit me.
This is part of Big Boy's story. We all have painful things in our pasts, things that we'd rather not think about. But Jesus uses those hard things to bring us to Himself. It struck me, as I talked, "Big Boy is not my child; he belongs to God."
Over the years, of course, I've prayed for the boys, asking Christ to draw them. But, in my head, they were always mine, mine to give to Jesus as I saw fit. Suddenly, Big Boy was not a baby to be held close, but a little man, enduring the trials of life so that he can learn about the Comforter.
And, my prayers began to change. No more, "Father, deliver me from this." Or "Help me get some sleep." With glaring obviousness, this was not solely about ME. (But, then what ever is?)
Now the prayers were: "Father, please draw my baby to Yourself. He's not mine, he never was. Show him Your love; open his eyes to Your comfort. Redeem this awful situation for him and for your glory."
Knowing that my son is a child of God--that makes me much this morning.
40. Lemon-verbena
41. Nap time
42. Quiet
43. Saving TV time until the end of the day
44. Dirty faces
45. Active-boy stink
What stories make you "much"?
3 comments:
Jumped over from Ann's and I could not agree with you more on # 41 ... it may be the time that grand-daughter number 4 falls asleep in my arms, or it could be when the toddlers finally go down for nap and sometimes it's even when the grandma gets home from teaching and takes a nap on the couch. I too love those napping and napping myself. Have a wonderful evening.
I knew this was your post when I was over on Holy Experience! Thanks for taking time to write real and share. Love it!
I’m here from Ann’s – even though it’s Thursday
I hearted them all but my favorite this week was: 44. Dirty faces – because it matches ths post so well – the heart of a mom praying for her little ones – nothing more precious – and little ones have dirty faces – and so #41. This made me smile. Thank you.
God bless and keep you and all of yours this day.
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